What A Difference 10 Years Makes

I realized last night that it has been 10 years since I walked out of my father's home to begin my adult life. I left for so many different and some silly reasons but in my defense I was 18 and not thinking with my brain that day. I remember packing my car with the important things; clothes, make-up, t.v., and stereo. Did I know where I was going? Not in my wildest dreams did I know where I was going but I knew that it pointed in the direction of freedom, well at least I hoped it did. I ended up staying with friends for a few weeks and then getting my own apartment. I worked two jobs while trying to go to school and just two months later I was dropping out of high school because something had to give and my pride was too much to go back home. I didn't even plan on being gone that long because I stated that in the letter I left my father but being out of that house was freeing to me. It was hard journey, shortly after leaving my senior year I got married and went down a very hard and trying path for the next 10 years. Now I have a wonderful 7 year old and I know what it means to dig your heels in and fight like hell for what you want and believe in. I finally got my GED in 2004 and then my Associates in May of this year. You see though I lost my passion the past few months and forgot who I was in life. I went back to college this fall even though I knew in my heart I didn't want to and now I am feeling the same way I did when I dropped out of high school, overwhelmed. I know leaving now will mess things up to where I will have to do some finagling if I would ever decide to go back. At this point I feel as if I am satisfied just having my associates and working the job I have because in time it could leave to bigger and better things. I really haven't worked like I should this semester and completing with passing grades at this point would be a miracle. I know I alone have to make this decision and be happy with the decision I make. But I think it's a sign when I feel relived when just thinking of walking away from school and just focusing on work and M. I want to know who I am again and not who I am trying to be to please people. I got the education I needed to at least give M a good life not over the top but better than what it was. I look back over the past decade and I want to know who I am again and what makes me happy and what my passion in life is again.